My Inner Demon
If you ask most people who know me what I am like, most will say something along the lines of I am laid back, I don't worry, I usually seem happy etc etc. Now generally that is true but unfortunately I do have an inner demon that so far in 42 years has raised it's head 3 times. 3 times in nearly 43 years my not seem like alot but the intensity of my fury has left the witnesses somewhat shocked.
The first time it emerged was in the Summer of 1991. At the time I was still living with Angela my ex fiance' but we were no longer together. She was seeing someone else and I was seeing Andi who lived 150 miles away in Devizes. It was a sunny Saturday night and Guns and Roses were live on Sky from Paris. Andi was at the gig and I was watching out for her in the 150,000 strong crowd. Now you will see a pattern of sorts emerge here as I can recall virtually nothing of what happened. I remember the concert had got to the encores and then nothing. I know I totally trashed the flat as the next morning the furniture was over turned there were CDs and tapes everywhere and my beloved Lava Lamp had been smashed. Angela says I did not hit her but she was sufficiently scared to lock herself in the bathroom, the only room with a lock on the door. I then apparently went out and I must have fallen over or something as I had bruising to my right hip and elbow. Angela went to look for me at my Mums and Sisters but I was not at either of them. When she returned I was sat on the doorstep as I had not taken my key with me. She tells me I went straight to bed and the next thing I do remember is Angela waking me up and saying you are due in on overtime in half an hour.
The second appearance was in 1996. At the time I was seeing Janet. Every Sunday afternoon we would go to a pub quiz in the Red House in Old Swan. The quizmaster nicknamed me Crazy Horse because I had very long hair and wore a coat that looked like it was made out of an Indian blanket. Anyway, we were on our way back to mine and we had just been to the chippy. Again I have no idea what set me off but I apparently damaged a street sign and threw the chippy meals away. Janet is not easily intimidated and her sense of humour is more one of laughing at people rather than with them, so she found it quite funny in a strange kind of way but she said I went 'absolutely beserk'. I then refused to answer her phone calls for a week.
The most recent incident was in Paris with Nathalia. We had had 2 great days sightseeing and on the second and last evening, Nathalia's birthday, we had been for a lovely posh meal. We were on the way back to the hotel and again my recollections are fairly hazy. I know we were crossing a busy road which in Paris scared the life out of me as the Parisian drivers seemed mad and did not follow normal driving conventions, when again I went beserk. I said some stupid things that I cannot remember word for word and Nathalia was crying and no matter how hard she tried I would not calm down. Worst of all I pushed her away too. As with Janet I continued to act like an idiot and would not see sense for about a week afterwards.
Now I have confessed all that I suspect anyone reading this will now give me a wide berth. The most worrying part is that each time there was no warning or build up and it was totally at odds with how I act 99.99% of the time. One of the reasons why I stopped drinking all together in the late 90s was in case that was a contributing factor. On all 3 occasions I had had something to drink but in reality I know that trying to blame alcohol is no excuse. Its me and me alone.
The first time it emerged was in the Summer of 1991. At the time I was still living with Angela my ex fiance' but we were no longer together. She was seeing someone else and I was seeing Andi who lived 150 miles away in Devizes. It was a sunny Saturday night and Guns and Roses were live on Sky from Paris. Andi was at the gig and I was watching out for her in the 150,000 strong crowd. Now you will see a pattern of sorts emerge here as I can recall virtually nothing of what happened. I remember the concert had got to the encores and then nothing. I know I totally trashed the flat as the next morning the furniture was over turned there were CDs and tapes everywhere and my beloved Lava Lamp had been smashed. Angela says I did not hit her but she was sufficiently scared to lock herself in the bathroom, the only room with a lock on the door. I then apparently went out and I must have fallen over or something as I had bruising to my right hip and elbow. Angela went to look for me at my Mums and Sisters but I was not at either of them. When she returned I was sat on the doorstep as I had not taken my key with me. She tells me I went straight to bed and the next thing I do remember is Angela waking me up and saying you are due in on overtime in half an hour.
The second appearance was in 1996. At the time I was seeing Janet. Every Sunday afternoon we would go to a pub quiz in the Red House in Old Swan. The quizmaster nicknamed me Crazy Horse because I had very long hair and wore a coat that looked like it was made out of an Indian blanket. Anyway, we were on our way back to mine and we had just been to the chippy. Again I have no idea what set me off but I apparently damaged a street sign and threw the chippy meals away. Janet is not easily intimidated and her sense of humour is more one of laughing at people rather than with them, so she found it quite funny in a strange kind of way but she said I went 'absolutely beserk'. I then refused to answer her phone calls for a week.
The most recent incident was in Paris with Nathalia. We had had 2 great days sightseeing and on the second and last evening, Nathalia's birthday, we had been for a lovely posh meal. We were on the way back to the hotel and again my recollections are fairly hazy. I know we were crossing a busy road which in Paris scared the life out of me as the Parisian drivers seemed mad and did not follow normal driving conventions, when again I went beserk. I said some stupid things that I cannot remember word for word and Nathalia was crying and no matter how hard she tried I would not calm down. Worst of all I pushed her away too. As with Janet I continued to act like an idiot and would not see sense for about a week afterwards.
Now I have confessed all that I suspect anyone reading this will now give me a wide berth. The most worrying part is that each time there was no warning or build up and it was totally at odds with how I act 99.99% of the time. One of the reasons why I stopped drinking all together in the late 90s was in case that was a contributing factor. On all 3 occasions I had had something to drink but in reality I know that trying to blame alcohol is no excuse. Its me and me alone.
posted by GUS at 2:10 PM
3 Comments:
So even Blogs get spammed do they? See above comment.
yes, they do. You can set the comments to word verification, that helped me get rid of spammers.
I have set the comments to word verification now. Thanks for the tip.
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